A Much Needed Introspection


1 As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. 

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? | Psalm 42:1-2 Esv

For the past few weeks, the Lord has been stirring up a holy dissatisfaction in my spirit and I believe that He is up to something. There’s this deep cry inside for more. Surely, there is more. There is this hunger in the depths of my spirit for fulfillment, and reality and knowing. This restlessness inside is something that one might find hard to articulate, but all I know is– it has to be met. And I will do everything to respond to this invitation. So, I did. I dialed down outward influences that might distract me from getting my eyes fixed on Him. 

Upon responding, I felt my spirit expand and open up to His downloads. Yes, there are still questions. Oh the many questions, and the many what ifs. And yes, sometimes confusion still sets in. Yet, in all these, I have discovered an adventure in this pursuit. As a Good Father and Friend, He will show Himself strong and He will speak when you lean closely to listen. And when I ask myself why I am doing this in the first place, I know it’s only because I want more. I want more of Him. True enough, there are some things I am believing Him for. There are prayers yet to be answered and promises yet to be fulfilled. He keeps reminding me that my hope is anchored on Him alone. I hope for the fulfillment, as He stirs up faith in me, here in the now. But even moreso, I hope and am expectant for what He will do in my heart all throughout this journey.

The reality is, all of us have things we are praying for; things we need, things we want; things we are believing Him for. It may be something you have just begun to ask or it could be something you have been contending for years already. Know this: He responds not just to the need, but to the faith that we have in Him. And I found myself asking this: Do I have the faith that endures? Do I have the endurance not to waver in unbelief even if I don’t see anything happening yet? 

These are some things I am ruminating on as I continue with this journey of deepening. God has been marking my heart to trust Him completely with a faith that endures. Also, there is so much freedom in choosing to set aside lesser things. I challenge you as well, that if you find yourself in a position where you feel the need to respond to His invitation to go deep, go for it. Respond with a quiet “yes” to the invitation. I believe that as you begin to do it, slowly, your focus will be realigned; and in doing so, your heart gets infused with vibrancy and love that can only be drawn from the True Vine, the Giver of Life and the Finisher of our faith who is Jesus.

The Holy Spirit has taught me to have no Plan Bs. No more contingency plans; but this I have to journey through. Learning to depend on Him completely will always be a process. Thus, I will be learning from Him every step of the way.His invitation, His plan, His will– this is Plan A. And I desire to have that radical resolve to only pursue Plan A. If I shrink back and allow thoughts to linger,or if this would cause me to look at other options, then a Plan B can arise. And if this be the case, I guess I am only setting myself up for delay.

My prayer is that we all would seek to honor every assignment that He has given us and move in complete confidence in His love for us. May He give us the grace to endure, stir up faith inside, and cause an internal fascination of Him to grow deeper. Indeed, there really is nothing to boast about for we are nothing, can produce nothing, bear no fruit apart from Him. 
Lord, would you once again invite us to a deeper knowing of You, in holy fascination of Your beauty! We want joy and vibrancy in our spirits, having childlike faith, running into Your arms.

20 No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God,

21 fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.

22 That is why his faith was “counted to him as righteousness.” | Romans 4:20-22 ESV


Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. | Hebrews 11:1 ESV


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