Nearness


I have been trying to sum up and word out my two months or so in Vigan City and it’s quite a lengthy process. And I may not be able to really break it down for everyone to understand and capture fully those two months. I tell you, my words can fail me. Putting the whole experience in words cannot suffice, but it definitely shifted something in me. It changed me in such a grand way. Vulnerability ate its way to my core and it broke down walls that needn’t be there.
I flipped through the scrapbook of my memories there– tried to remember the best moments, the challenging ones, the out-of-impulse-mini-adventures, yet, I found myself going back to the quiet moments. It was in these moments that I actually dialled down outside factors and listened to what He had to say– these were the moments that I found myself near Him. These were the times that I learned how it is to truly abide and lean closely to His heart. I came to know more of Him, thus, I came to know more of who I am.

As I draw nearer to the light, it exposed things in my heart that hindered Him from fully working in me. Light caused the darkness in me to gradually disappear. Taking a step daily towards His heart has tenderized me in so many ways. The light unravelled portions of myself long hidden, tucked away and rooted in the norms of passivity and mediocrity. The light might have blinded me for a short while but after, I realized a lens change had happened. And it happened not in the middle of hype or amongst a number of eyes looking at me; rather, it happened when and where I was most vulnerable. It happened when it was His eyes alone that I beheld.

I guess that’s something worth telling. A few lens-change happened. As these began to happen, I started to see people differently. By faith, it moved me to see beyond what I am seeing now but as a child of the Father, I started declaring things that are not as though they were. I learned to trust Him through other people too, understanding another aspect of putting my full confidence in Him by allowing other people to call out His purposes in my life.

Nearness was my platform to know more of who He is, who He is to me and in turn allowed myself to be known by Him. I allowed Him to remove anything that could hinder Him from loving on me fully. I swam deep in the sea of vulnerability– and in doing so, I found me. He helped me find me. He gently guided me and led me on, daily speaking truth over my life. He spoke the truth in love, always giving me a beautiful glimpse of what’s ahead. I may not be able to see the whole picture yet; maybe all the “why’s” aren’t completely answered, but in my heart, I believe it is all going to be worth it and He promises that it will be glorious. My heart now is simply to stay steady and remain faithful in what He has called me to do in this hour.

I discovered too, that He releases revelation all the more when we move with His momentum. It is when we take a step towards knowing and searching Him out where He pours out more. It is in the pressing in and the intentional pursuit of Him even when no one is looking is when the fire starts. He releases understanding and He intensifies manifesting His presence and glory when He sees hunger in our spirits. These then causes our hearts to burn and really go for more. After all, were were made for fullness.

Even as I am currently back in my hometown, I aim to make it a point to intentionally seek Him, even when no one is looking. It’s in those quiet moments with Him that allows me to reflect better, make decisions with clarity, create beautiful things out of deep inspiration and learn to posture myself to be in that place of reveling in who I am in Him. Nearness to His heart has opened my eyes once again and be reminded that I look like Him. And that He is working on the new in me and He will not stop til’ He has finished the good thing He has begun.

May we never lose our child-like wonder as He draws us daily towards His heart and as He constantly captures us in the beauty of His splendour. He alone is worthy!

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2 thoughts on “Nearness

  1. Sis Jian your longing for “nearness” is a beautiful testimony of how God’s irresistible grace can flourish in your life. I pray that He’ll break more walls in your heart and build a wider place for His desires to be revealed, executed and may the privilege of giving glory to God fill your will each day.

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